Eulogy for The Champ

Today is a sad day, but a proud day. We are saying goodbye to our friend, Miss Diaper Champ. She's been with us since April of 2008, never wavering in her determination to keep our lives running as smooth and as fresh as possible.

Sure, there were days where we had our arguments, you didn't do your job, I was a little rough on you. I know now that your payback was shooting old wipes out the side of your head, laughing while I cursed you because, in my ignorance, I could not figure out how to make that stop.

You knew the end was coming when the diapers changed to pull ups, then the frequency tapered off. Other than the occasional accident, we've decided to make that bold move and terminate your service.

During our last session together, after I gave you a nice peppermint soap bath and talked about the nice storage space you'll be relocating to, I felt true respect for you. What a hard and thankless job. For now, enjoy your fragrance-free vacation until you're called back to the line of duty, either at our house or one of a friend who really needs your help. We salute you, Miss Diaper Champ.