As experience makes all kinds of marks on your karmic bedpost, everyone has a short list of things they have done that they would never do again. Most folks refer to it as "a learning experience", which all of middle and high school can be chalked up to, but there are those key points that do stand out. The ones that you can still recall make you want to bury yourself in a hill in Idaho, not sure whether you want to be dug out or not later.
I had lunch with a friend yesterday, and the one that got brought up was 'sending the post-break-up letter'. Depending on what era you are from and when it first happened to you, the process is the same. You break up with someone (in my case it had been a boyfriend for 2.5 years), and that whole rest of the day and night you are upset about it. Remember the time we went camping, remember all the silly little nicknames, remember the (blah blah blah) and you're dying inside so you write a majestical letter weaving the tapestry of said relationship in all its splendor.
Then you go and do something dumb-ass. With puffy eyes you address stamp and mail the letter, (or hit SEND now), then crawl into bed.
The next morning you wake up, the sun greets the brand new day, you are filled with hope for starting over (yet again). Then you remember the letter. The simpering, whining, it's not you it's me... whatever you wrote you know that when they read it there is a strong possibility it sounds like you didn't want to break up with them at all (or they see the crack in the armor and OMG there is still a chance) and you're going to have to go back now and REITERATE everything again.
Writing the letter is imperative, NOT sending it important. (see my earlier posting The Draft).
What is something YOU can contribute that You Only Do Once? (no darwin awards please) Please Comment.
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posted w/permission: "As that friend who spent a most enjoyable afternoon with the author and family, I found the story to be very funny (looking back) and very true. It's a situation where your lips and fingers are on steroids and your mind is that wimpy little guy on the beach that gets sand kicked in his face, as they overpower any thoughts you have of just holding back on sending anything and waiting another day until you can question your judgement on the sending/saying things, whether your emotions feel that way and you don't think they'll change later.
ReplyDeleteI have experienced this in another light where you crank out the most beautiful "hate mail" after someone breaks up with you, to find Freudian justification why that person is so messed up that they had to do this horrible thing to you. You have time to look back and analyze every situation as a Monday morning quarterback and you see every inadequacy they possess that lead to this destructive behavior. Although you would still get back together with them, you find every reason why they should be locked up in a padded cell and never allowed to interact with anyone beyond saying hello as they would probably cause them this same pain because they are mentally imbalanced and know not what they do. Then if and when you send your little nastygram, you know you've just killed the relationship for good and you now get to wallow in sadness over it.
One more thing you only do once is ask out your friend's girlfriend after they just broke up! I did this in high school and as you know high school relationships are on and off from day to day. If you don't like something they do that day, you break up with them. Then you get back together the next day. My situation was a little different so it was much more complicated then and much more humorous now. I happened to mention to her in my "profession of love" that he cheated on her. So, she went back to him gave him an earful, he called me out on it and put me in an awkward situation with our friends, and then they got back together again with me looking like the bad guy :) How naive I was. I think of this even today when I see friends I am fond of break up, but my thought now is too bad, she would have been nice to go out with if I had never known her :) "